“What do you do to avoid a lion attack? Soil yourself? Or is that grizzly bears? Hate to s**t myself for no reason and get eaten. I want to call again, but when I leave long messages, I have this nagging sense that I’ll end up hearing them being played back to me in a court of law.” (Mark) The Floyd, The Prodge, Aphex, the list is endless really.” (Jez) I mean, what great music was ever made on drugs? Bowie, obviously. Not actual justice, but what I wanted to happen, which is basically the same thing.” (Jez) “Mark, if I can just get rid of the dog corpse, there’s a chance I still might get laid here.”(Photo: Channel 4) That smile when some eco-glass gets delayed on its way from Antwerp and the nice couple gets pushed over budget. “I bet she even does nice poos, little Maltesers that smell like The Body Shop.” (Jez) Centuries and centuries with nothing to look forward to except ‘the slim possibility a Viking might break down the door and rape me.” (Photo: Channel 4) I guess the only good thing is that my life is so boring it feels like it might go on forever.” (Mark) “God, this is like the Dark Ages. “You realise that tinned food is just for crackheads and wars?” (Jez) Look out, Boots! I’m going to buy 100 meal deals and eat them off a prossie in the nude.” (Mark) Which at no point would be locked in the cellar.” (Mark) No, not like Fritzl, like a nice normal loving guy who knows where she is at all times. Get her into the flat and keep her locked down like Fritzl. “So great that Dobby’s agreed to move in. “Not the Hootenanny! Never the Hootenanny! We’re better than that.” (Jez) Sophie’s Poland manageable, won’t put up too much of a fight.” (Mark) Toni’s Russia vast, mysterious, unconquerable. “God, it’s so easy being a freak, no wonder they’re ten a penny.” (Mark) You get a van, Jez, we could be men with ven.” (Super Hans) “You’re not just a man any more – you are a man with a van. I wonder if anyone has ever been this unhappy while drinking champagne.” (Mark) But digging a hole in the wintry earth with my bare hands so that you can bury the corpse of a dog you killed is not one of them.” (Mark) “Jeremy, there are many things I would do to help you. Oh yeah, I’d f*** those kidneys real good.” (Jez) “Not the Hootenanny! Never the Hootenanny! We’re better than that.”(Photo: Channel 4) Her soft skin is just a big bag full of kidneys and mucus and half-digested bits of pie. “What’s so great about sex anyway? It’s all the mind. I have spent a cool grand on acquiring the resumption of an equitable temperature.” (Mark) At least throwing the money out of the window you’d see the scrabbling mass, the hate-filled faces. Surely the least enjoyable way to spend a thousand pounds. “Crunchy Nut Cornflakes are just Frosties for w*nkers.” (Jez) Makes a man look scary, like a chicken.” (Photo: Channel 4) Thank you, centuries of emotional repression!” (Mark) “Socks before or after trousers, but never socks before pants. Luckily we’re all English so no-one’s going to ask any questions. “I don’t want sweet punani action, I want to take your bishop and grind you down.” (Mark) Or getting a bone on, which is basically the same thing when you get rid of all the Valentine’s cards and bullsh*t.” (Jez) Already given a quid to Greenpeace this year so I’m golden.” (Jez) Pissed and stoned in a gas-guzzler this is the life. “I’m having an orgasm against my will! Oh God, she’s stolen sex off me!” (Mark)
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